How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
