it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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