Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
did i walk over a car last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
