omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
