wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
