There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
