No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
