He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
