she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
