the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
