Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
