Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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