I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
