Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
