She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
