Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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