I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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