"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
