I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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