just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
