Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
