just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize