I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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