I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize