dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
