he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize