We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
