i think my tv is drunk
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
