nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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