i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
