All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
