Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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