So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
