3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Randomize
