So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
