so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
