I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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