I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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