I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
