do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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