There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize