Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
