I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
