i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you win again, gameday.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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