Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
