True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it hurts more in the daytime
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
