Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
