bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
