i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
They left me at home... I'm a liability
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
