oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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