You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
