Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
