Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
