my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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