Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
