just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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