you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
