He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
