dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
