Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
