i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize