I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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