the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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