Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
