PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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