Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize