he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
