McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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