She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
