He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
